


A bowl full of love

by amateurish



Category: GOT7
Genre: Awkward Friendship, Fluff, Introvert Mark, JJP on the side, Jackson is so soft, M/M, Mark is so cute, Social Jackson, Sweet as fuck Markson, Sweet as hell, Weird Chemistry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:06:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13845873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amateurish/pseuds/amateurish
Summary: Mark and Jackson have been living together as flat-mates because it's pretty convenient and cost effective. Mark's awkward and Jackson's social so their friendship is a mix of both. They are just too comfortable around each other until suddenly they aren't.





	A bowl full of love

**Author's Note:**

> This is story is unlike the stories I usually write. It's a one shot so i am not going to feel guilty about updating late and making people wait. I think I am going to write one shots more because they are wholesome and people are happy to read in one go. 
> 
> This is a sweet Markson fic and is about how they take friendships for face value but there is something more underlying. I hope you like it. I haven't proof read it so forgive any mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> xoxo

Mark whined as he heard his alarm go off. It was already 7 which meant he had to get his ass up and be ready for work in another forty five minutes. He sat up and scratched his stomach lazily. He didn’t have the will to open his eyes but the fucking alarm was going off and he thought the volume was going higher and higher with every passing minute. Groaning, he switched it off and scrambled out of bed, stretching his body to get rid of kinks.

“Up, you asshole,” Jackson yelled as he threw the door open and peeked inside. Looking at Mark’s disgruntled, lazy form and the messy bed hair that he was sporting, he laughed. His laugh reminded Mark of a barking Chihuahua.

One year of living together in a dingy apartment because it was convenient had them habituated with each other’s schedules. It was just another convenience because it allowed them to get out of the house on time.

“Your cereal’s getting soggy, bro,” he slammed the door shut and Mark sighed. He got into the shower and in twenty minutes he was out, wearing the first formal shirt he found in a wearable condition and pairing it with dress pants and the right shoes.

“I made you another bowl,” Jackson put a bowl in front of him and he dug in. Jackson was ready for work too and Mark couldn’t help but laugh at his t-shirt that said ‘Wanna be my little bitch’. Offended by the giggle, he turned around and found Mark still snickering, trying really hard to not snort his cereal.

“You are wearing that to work?” he took pity on Jackson’s confused expression and asked.

“Sorry but I am a photographer and not an assistant at a boring, old grandpa law firm, Mister Sophisticated,” Jackson retorted and Mark rolled his eyes.

“Whatever puts food on the table, man,” Mark shrugged and got up to wash his bowl.

“I will do it. You get going dude, I still have a lot of time. My assignment doesn’t start for-”

“Another couple of hours. I know! Why are you up so early every fucking day?”

“Who’s gonna feed your sorry ass some breakfast? I can’t have your rent share in jeopardy just because you fainted at the subway station, you ass.”

“Cut it, bitch. You are up for your run!”

“Why do you ask when you know the answers to your own stupid questions? And where the fuck is your tie?” Jackson rushed towards his room to get it.

He wound it around Mark’s neck and started tying a knot while the elder was busy gulping down some water.

“Water over cereal? Who are you?” he straightened the tie and brushed Mark’s shoulders lightly to get rid of any creases.

Mark gave him a toothy smile and Jackson shook his head as if too tired of his life.

“See you in the evening,” Mark rushed out and Jackson began cleaning the kitchen.

 

 

Life was simple and sorted for both of them. It had always been. Ever since Jaebeom had introduced Mark to Jackson after he moved to New York for work, they had gotten along comfortably, moving in together because they couldn’t afford places of their own. Mark was a fresh law school graduate and working with a well-known law firm, mainly assisting senior lawyers on their pro-bono cases while on probation. Jackson was a photographer working with a small studio downtown. His jobs were infrequent but paid enough to sustain through the month. He was getting better and better with each project he handled and was, in general, happy with his progress.

They had started off awkward because Mark was an introvert while Jackson was loud and social, touchy and funny. It had evolved into a comfortable camaraderie as they stayed together, understanding each other better with every passing day. Now it was a well-balanced friendship, not too intimate or prodding, but not too detached and cold. Mark knew Jackson was a social animal so he did not flinch when he found strangers lounging around in their apartment. He wouldn’t bat an eyelash when he found a girl exiting Jackson’s bedroom early in the morning sneakily.

Jackson knew Mark was a silent guy with no friend circle so he did not mind when he found Mark watching Netflix on his laptop on a weekend while he partied with his friends in the living room. Many times they were in the house but hardly talked and it still was a comfortable silence. They were cordial friends and did not delve into each other’s lives beyond a certain boundary. Their friendship was all about comfort and being considerate of each other.

They had so many unsaid rules so they didn’t end up bothering each other. There were hardly any instances when they had an argument, let alone a fight. It was never more than ‘where are my socks’ or ‘why didn’t you wake me up’. It was a smooth ride.

There were many instances that had helped them build a strong friendship. On a particular weekend Jackson had a party planned and as usual Mark was in his room watching some show on Netflix. One of Jackson’s friends had strayed to his room and Mark was nervous as hell because he had no idea what the guy wanted. He straightened and forced an awkward smile.

“You must be Mark,” the guy asked and Mark nodded.

“Why don’t you join us? Harry mixes the meanest cocktails,” the guy pointed towards the living room.

“Umm…not a very party person…” he answered and shifted in his spot uncomfortably.

The guy studied him for a moment and smirked. “Why? Shy much? If you just sit alone, how are you going to be social? Come on,” he walked over and Mark moved back because no, he did not like when people invaded his personal space, especially strangers.

“No, thanks. I am alright,” Mark shook his head adamantly.

The guy somehow looked offended and threw him a judgmental stare. “Alright, what a bother! Because of you, Jackson wouldn’t even allow us to play music loudly enough. Can’t you just go out somewhere so we can have a good time? It’s not like you are working or something,” he said flatly and Mark raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t one to create issues or pick a fight. And he was okay going out for a while because the man had a point. Just because he was in the house, people couldn’t party well. He got up and nodded sharply. He grabbed his coat and walked out with the guy.

Jackson noticed him put his shoes on and came over to inquire where he was going.

“Out. You can play music, bro. Don’t upset your friends,” he patted Jackson’s shoulder and the younger frowned.

“What? Who told you that? I know you worked overtime yesterday, where the fuck are you going? It’s freezing outside, you fucker.”

“Not important, man. I will be back before you know it. Have a good time, I was-”

“WHO THE FUCK ASKED MARK TO GO OUT? JUST WHO?” he yelled at his friends and all of them stilled.

“Jackson-”

“THE HELL! It was you, wasn’t it, Nathan? Jesus, what a cheap move dude. I said no loud music because Mark likes to rest on weekends and we don’t want to get kicked out of this apartment! And you asked him to go out of his own fucking house? OUT! OUT ALL OF YOU! This party is over. Fucking free loaders.”

His friends scrambled out of the couch and whined at Nathan for spoiling the whole mood. Slowly but surely they moved out of the house in ones and twos. Nathan threw in a half assed apology to Mark and walked out.

“Dude, what! Why did you kick them out? Jesus, so dramatic,” Mark hit the back of his head and Jackson just laughed.

“How could that rat ask you to go out? I hate him anyway.”

They had cleaned the living room and Jackson had mixed him a drink. They spent the evening relaxing. Mark loved such weekends.

Then there was this time when Mark had forgotten an important file at home and hoping against hope had called Jackson to know if he was around. Luckily enough, he was. More than happy to help, Jackson had driven to Mark amidst horrible traffic. He had put his crew on standby the whole time! Mark had returned the favour by coming to pick his drunk ass up at 2 in the morning in front of some shitty club without complaining.

“Eww, don’t throw up in my car, you shithead,” Mark had pulled over and helped the man empty the contents of his stomach by the curb. He had dabbed at the younger’s mouth with the sleeve of his shirt as if it was not the most disgusting thing to do.

Countless times, Mark had saved Jackson from clingy girlfriends, one night stands that would turn into forced breakfasts and dinners and also from getting arrested for breaching into private property. Turns out, Jackson got off from taking pictures of things he wasn’t allowed to see! More than once, Jackson had stayed back home to keep Mark company when he had fallen sick because he was too worried Mark would faint in his absence, or worse, die.

They had formed their own safety bubble which was impenetrable for others. Everything was perfect and Mark couldn’t ask for anything more, Jackson didn’t expect anything more.

**

Mark had shown tremendous potential and earned himself an associate position at the firm after a year and a half. He couldn’t wait to tell his parents about it. He was really happy that he had made it this far even after graduating from a not-so-well-known school. Jackson, on the other hand, grabbed a lot of new projects after a few of his photos had featured in newspapers and magazines.

It was a little over 9 when Mark got home and wasn’t surprised to find the apartment empty. Probably Jackson had a job or he was somewhere developing film. He took a shower and looked around the kitchen. He found tacos neatly packed in a box on the platform. There was a note on the top of it.

‘Loser’s dinner’

He snorted as he threw the note into the trashcan and opened the box hungrily. May be Jackson had just left and had been thoughtful enough to bring him something to eat.

He called home as he devoured the tacos, his favourite ones from the stall around the corner, and talked happily to his mother, telling her about his new position. She was thrilled and so was his father. They had taken a lot of pains to educate him and now he would slowly be able to pay them back. It was a good start.

After hanging up, he lazily walked to his bedroom and decided to crash. He heard the lock turn and stopped short. Jackson came shuffling in, energy too high for ten at night but smiley all the same.

“Mark! Hey!” he beamed. He rested his heavy equipment on the couch and sat down.

“Thanks for the tacos, bro. How did you manage to get my favorite red chilli pork ones? They always get sold out first!”

Jackson wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. “The stall guy had me take a few good shots of his girlfriend so he owed me one. I made him pay with your tacos! Did you just get home?”

Mark nodded and told him about the associate position. Jackson was ecstatic and patted his arm in appreciation. Mark was not very fond of physical contact and Jackson, though being a very touchy person, settled with only the polite touches a friend could offer.

“Loser is not a loser anymore, huh?” he snickered and Mark gave him his toothy smile again.

“May be we should get our plumbing fixed this month? Or we could have our TV mounted? I will have some cash to spare now,” the elder chirped excitedly but Jackson just smiled.

“Save it. We will do those things some other time. How about you send the extra cash home? I am sure your mom would appreciate it.”

Jackson was really thoughtful and Mark liked that about him a lot. It was rare in people these days, especially the ones who were living away from home and trying to make something out of their lives. They always chose to spend their hard earned money on themselves first. But Jackson always said the right things and gave the right suggestions. Mark appreciated having a friend like him to rely on.

“Right. I will do that. I am going to crash now. Did you already eat?”

Jackson nodded and told him about having eaten tacos at the stall. Mark got up and walked towards his room, another of his nights ending without anything to complain about.

**

Two years of living together and everything was just the same. The only thing that had changed was Jaebeom had come to live nearby and by addition his other friends who Mark got to know one evening.

“Mark!” Jaebeom welcomed him with a side hug and Mark nervously looked around at the many strangers in their living room.

“Hi, how have you been?” he asked the man as he looked around for Jackson. Jaebeom rambled about how they had found a good apartment close to them and that he was doing well at his job. Being in the same high school and living in the same locality had made Jaebeom his friend and he was thankful that the comfort he felt around the boy was still intact even after gradually growing apart because they were busy with their lives.

“Cool.” He awkwardly stared at the people in the room and forced a smile. He heard a snicker from the other side of the room. He snapped his head in the direction and found Jackson laughing at him openly.

“What?”

“I know that smile. Damn, it’s so forced!” he came close and rubbed at Mark’s arm affectionately. “It’s okay. I know all of them. You will really like them. Let me introduce you.” Jackson went on to introduce Jinyoung, Youngjae, BamBam and Yugyeom to Mark and he was glad that they didn’t pester him with questions or comment on his silence even when they ate dinner together.

Mark looked at how happy Jackson was to have friends around, not the usual happiness when his party people were there but a different, genuine happiness you experience when people you treasure are around. It made him happy too because for once, Youngjae’s loud laugh punctuated by slaps on Jackson’s arm, Jaebeom’s angry chin at Yugyeom for stealing his chicken wing or Jinyoung’s motherly petting of BamBam’s head wasn’t all that appalling or overwhelming. It was a surprise that he didn’t know about these friends of Jackson’s or Jaebeom’s for that matter but that was probably because Jackson and he had clear boundaries. He wasn’t liable to share every detail of his life with him.

After dinner, Mark bid goodbye to everyone, gave Jaebeom a light hug and retired to his own room. Jackson followed him awkwardly.

“Hey…umm, need to ask you a favour,” he scratched his neck. Mark raised his eyebrows in question and waited for Jackson to speak up.

“Umm…I was wondering…umm…could Jinyoung live with us for a while? I guess, a week or so?”

Mark looked at Jackson in confusion. Wasn’t Jinyoung living with Jaebeom in the apartment close to theirs? Or had he just assumed it wrongly?

“Youngjae, Yugyeom and BamBam are still living with Jaebeom but Jinyoung needs some space because lately he and Jaebeom have been fighting a lot…Jaebeom would never tell you this so I thought to ask you…I suggested that he stay with us for a couple of days. Change of place could be good, right?”

There it was again, Jackson being so thoughtful and considerate of the people in his life. Mark mulled over it. Having someone new in the house would change things a bit but the reason why Jackson was doing this was a good one. He didn’t want to be someone imposing his personality hang-ups on Jackson’s kindness. Also, Jinyoung seemed to be a very warm and kind person. There was no reason for Mark to say no. It was just for a few days anyway.

“Sure thing, man. He can stay as long as he wants. We could get an air mattress for him, you know. I wouldn’t want him to take the couch. God knows what your friends do on-”

“Hey asshole! I don’t let my friends fornicate on our couch. What do you make of my friends?” he whined and Mark couldn’t help but chuckle.

“It’s settled then. I will ask him to get his stuff. I just hope you won’t get bothered much. He won’t be an issue.” Jackson assured and Mark nodded.  

**

Jinyoung moved into their apartment the next morning, by the time Mark had already left for work. He had, however, noticed how many efforts Jackson had taken to clean the place, make room for Jinyoung, stock the fridge with food and buy an air mattress which he kept in his own room. It was a lucky break for Jackson because he didn’t have any assignments lined up.

When Mark got home late in the evening, tired with work and expecting a quiet night while having dinner with Jackson, he was welcomed with Jinyoung and Jackson lounging on the couch watching a movie. He had completely forgotten that Jinyoung had moved in. He didn’t have anything to talk to either of them so he silently moved towards his bedroom, trying to not disturb them. He freshened up and went to fetch some water.

“Did you eat?” Jackson asked when he was about to walk back. He shook his head, making Jackson click his tongue in annoyance.

“Why not? You want to go thinner than you already are? Want chopstick legs like Bam?” he scolded and fidgeted around to put something together for him.

“Here’s some lasagne Jinyoung and I made in the evening. Want me to serve you some wine with it? Jinyoung got a bottle as a thank you…” he whispered and Mark had to walk closer to understand what he was saying.

“Sorry, Jinyoung just dozed off…I don’t wanna wake him. Do you want some wine?” he whispered again and Mark nodded. He put the plate on the table and poured him wine. Mark’s stomach rumbled just then and Jackson sighed.

“You will die if I don’t feed you, you fucker,” he shook his head in exasperation and Mark could only smile nicely in response. He grabbed the plate and walked into his room, silently shutting the door and diving into the food. He had to commend Jackson and Jinyoung’s cooking skills because damn, the lasagne was so good. He downed the wine and sighed, sated.

He had to get to the office earlier than usual the following day so he decided to turn in. He walked back into the kitchen and stopped short when he saw Jackson silently threading his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair. Of course, Jackson was a touchy person but this looked different, it looked intimate and more affectionate. Unsure how to react to something he had never seen Jackson do before, he just silently placed his plate in the sink and walked back to his room.

Trying to fall asleep when he knew he had to get up early the next day was always a challenge for him. He tossed and turned all night, unsuccessful in his attempt to win some sleep. Groaning, he got up. He felt a bit weird suddenly. Thinking back to the moment where Jackson was caressing Jinyoung’s hair made him realize that may be Jackson was more involved in his friends than he was in him. But he was not upset about it because that’s how their friendship had been all this time and anyway he was not fond of physical contact.

If Jackson would have been too attached and too involved in him, may be they wouldn’t have lasted this long. Not having had a best friend or someone who was an integral part of his life, Mark couldn’t relate to completely relying on someone for support, help, happiness and camaraderie. May be he should have had a best friend? May be he did. May be Jackson was his own version of a best friend? Jaebeom had been the only decent friend that he had managed to retain even through his unsocial personality. Jaebeom was pretty much the same as him and that is why they had bonded well. Mark absolutely had no other friends than these two people. It made him feel a bit restless but he blamed his anxiety on getting up early the next day. He got under the sheets again and closed his eyes in the hopes of finally falling asleep.

**

It was a little over 6.30 when Mark scrambled out of bed and headed to the shower. He was done in twenty minutes and got ready as usual. He was sure Jackson was already up since he usually left for his run right around the time Mark left for office. He grabbed his bag and headed out expecting Jackson to move around in the kitchen like every day, making him a bowl of cereal and saying mean things to him. However, the younger was nowhere to be found. The house was eerily silent. May be Jackson had over slept. It was a nice opportunity to go wake the fucker up and give him a taste of his own medicine.

Snorting, he tiptoed to Jackson’s room and slowly turned the knob. When he pushed the door open, his breath got knocked out of his chest. Jackson had Jinyoung curled around him, the boy’s leg wrapping easily around his waist. His head rested on Jackson’s chest, hair splayed on his shoulder. Jackson’s arm was wrapped around Jinyoung’s shoulder and his mouth was slightly agape in his sleep. The air mattress was unattended in a corner as if it had never been used. Realizing that he might have intruded on Jackson’s privacy, he slowly retreated and shut the door lightly behind him.

Gulping uneasily, he quickly made himself a bowl of cereal, ate light speed and left. On the way to the office, he drove a little too fast, unsure what had gotten into him. He felt a slight headache set in and groaned in frustration. His old, used car was wobbling slowly in the traffic and his irritation shot up exponentially. He heard his phone buzz and answered it without looking who the caller was.

“Hey, you left already?” Jackson asked as he yawned into the phone.

“Yeah, had some work to take care of before the day started. Some bullshit paperwork.” Mark felt uncomfortable suddenly and cleared his throat.

“Okay. Why didn’t you wake me up bro? I thought you would…” Jackson sounded a bit whiny about it and Mark just sighed.

“I don’t know man. I did come to wake you but you were with Jinyoung and I just felt a bit wrong to, you know, wake you…” he finished lamely, his stomach turning a bit. May be he was actually falling sick.

“Yeah that bitch likes to cuddle. I don’t hate it either. Damn, I slept so well…first time in days…” Jackson again yawned and Mark felt his head throb.

“Listen, I need to get to work. See you in the evening.” He had hung up before Jackson could get into one of his rambling sessions.  

The entire day Mark was crabby and made a lot of mistakes. His boss wasn’t too happy with him but everybody had their bad days. Blaming it on how little sleep he had that night, he just pulled through the day without making any major blunders.

As the day approached to an end, his mind started weighing down options to not rush home for some reason. He felt a bit uncomfortable, unsure what he would walk in to. He knew he was probably reading a lot into things and may be Jackson was just comforting a friend but he was in no mood for some awkward social interaction.

He packed his stuff and decided to go to this coffee shop he had found on the way home. It wasn’t too big but looked cosy and warm. He got in, ordered some coffee and in the comfort of a place full of strangers, tried to get lost in the music he was listening to.

It was a little over seven when he got home. He had bought tacos to surprise Jackson but was a bit disappointed when he saw him eating spaghetti out of a bowl with Jinyoung as they watched some movie. Jackson was definitely watching a lot of movies these days. Too conscious about disturbing them, he placed the tacos on the table in the kitchen and decided to coop-up in his room.

The lack of sleep eventually took over him and he crashed at nine. The next morning, when he rushed out, he again found Jackson laughing with Jinyoung. It looked like they were getting ready to go for a run.

“Morning,” Jackson beamed at him and Mark nodded. He also nodded at Jinyoung who waved at him awkwardly.

“I am taking Jinyoung for a run and then we will go for breakfast. See you in the evening?”

Mark nodded, albeit his throat felt a bit tight. He looked at the table and found his bowl of cereal missing. Frowning, he started making his breakfast until Jackson came and tapped on his shoulder. He turned around in question.

“Look at your tie, stupid,” Jackson tightened it so it looked proper. He smiled but Mark couldn’t return it. In that moment, he didn’t look at Jackson in his usual ‘bro’ way or a friendly way. It was a bit distant and weird. Unsure what had gotten into Mark, he moved away, waving as he left for his run with Jinyoung.

Mark wandered around restlessly until he spotted Jackson’s camera sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up curiously. Jackson never had his equipment lying around the house like this. When he switched it on, the first picture that showed was Jinyoung’s, smiling softly at the camera. The time stamp was somewhere around midnight. He flipped through the other images and noticed that there were countless pictures of Jinyoung in different poses, looking absolutely comfortable in his skin posing shirtless. Mark felt his body shudder at the gloom that set in when he noticed Jinyoung sleeping on Jackson’s bed, being under his sheets. With a bitter taste in his mouth, he turned it off and left for the office.

**

Three days in and Mark was sure he couldn’t handle Jinyoung being around in the house all the time. Was it because he wasn’t able to be himself in his house or because Jackson was just not available to him like he usually was, he didn’t know. Either way, his thoughts were thoroughly disturbing. He realized that what little time he spent with Jackson daily was really important to him. It was the only time he didn’t hate being a bit talkative, share what was on his mind and just talk about his day. It made him feel normal.

He had completely gone into a shell because no, he couldn’t be himself when he was uncomfortable. When he got home early and had plans to just relax, he found Jackson, Jaebeom, Jinyoung and all the other boys in the house, as if waiting for him to arrive.

“Mark!” Jaebeom rushed to hug him as if he was too desperate and for once Mark didn’t mind the good squeeze. He clung to Jaebeom a little longer than either of them expected. Jackson looked on, confused.

Mark had a warm smile on his face once they separated and without thinking much, he just dragged Jaebeom to his room. He politely waved at the younger boys who were busy playing video games and yelling over each other.

“Mark…” Jackson called but Mark did not turn around, as if out of spite.

“How have you been, stupid?” Mark asked as he took off his tie and threw it on the bed. Jaebeom sighed and made himself comfortable.

“Good. Umm…well…better actually. Jinyoung and I, sort of, were not on very good terms. Since he has been here, it gave me a little break, you know…” he closed his eyes and put his head back. He frowned and bit his lip.

“What is it?” Mark had never seen Jaebeom so angry and bothered and it was scary because he didn’t know how to comfort people when they were having an emotional response to something. He apprehensively sat at the edge of the bed and waited for Jaebeom to say something.

“I…he…Mark, I am so messed up. I just can’t…” Jaebeom curled up to himself and Mark was really panicking inside.

“Just tell me, what happened? May be I can help you…I can at least try…” Mark’s tone was soothing and it made Jaebeom look at him hopefully.

“I sorta…I was mad when he started going out with this guy…no, not because of his sexuality…but because I couldn’t handle it…it irked me, very much. I was so mad at him all the time…” Jaebeom rubbed his arm and Mark knew it was his nervous tick. The information that Jaebeom might be gay for Jinyoung was a bit too much to handle right away. His brain started showing him images of Jackson and Jinyoung being close and chummy for the past couple of days and his throat choked up a bit.

“Oh.” He squeezed Jaebeom’s arm lightly to comfort him. “How long…” he asked apprehensively but Jaebeom relaxed.

“A month, I guess. It’s just…he gets me, you know. I don’t have to say much around him…it was so easy because he was there to make the other boys comfortable here. I care for these people because of him…he brought them into my life…and…and he’s just, how should I say it…he is-”

“Someone you just can’t do without.” Mark finished and Jaebeom looked at him, surprised.

“Yes…exactly. I didn’t even notice the things he did for me on a daily basis but the moment he stopped doing them…was being sweet to someone else…being unavailable to me…I really didn’t like it. Are you going to judge me?”

Mark shook his head slowly because damn if he didn’t feel the same way. The sudden realization that he was pissed all the time when he was around Jackson and Jinyoung was telling. He was used to Jackson fretting over him, caring for him, being there for him in the most natural way. He missed it and the most unfortunate part was that probably Jackson didn’t even think it was that deep. Jackson was naturally considerate and kind. He mustn’t have done what he did for Mark with any other intention, he was sure of it. So this was something he was going to live with, the fact that Jackson mattered to him more than just a cordial friend. He felt breathless and out of control, clutching onto Jaebeom for dear life. Unsure why Mark was so restless, Jaebeom just moved forward and held him, trying to find comfort in an old friend’s embrace, not knowing that the man needed it just as much.

A quick knock and Jackson had thrown the door open. He looked at Jaebeom and Mark hugging each other and frowned. He cleared his throat, effectively making the two separate. Their faces looked guilty in some way and Jackson didn’t know what to make of it. Jinyoung had followed Jackson and was standing behind him, looking at them both with something Mark didn’t understand. Jaebeom took in a sharp breath and got up.

“Umm…I just came to call you two for dinner. Sorry to disturb your private moment,” his voice was a bit off than its usual cheerful one and it didn’t sit well with Mark.

“No, Jaebeom was being stupid and we were just reminiscing our high school days so…let’s go.” He didn’t know what had made him defensive and lie. He didn’t want Jackson to be mad, not because of him.

“Of course.” Jackson had turned around, grabbed Jinyoung’s hand and walked away, leaving both Jaebeom and Mark staring after them.

“It’s Jackson, isn’t it?” Mark stilled at the question and gulped. When he didn’t answer, Jaebeom put an arm around his shoulder. “Because he’s with Jinyoung all the time…isn’t it?” Mark closed his eyes at being so easily read by Jaebeom even after not remaining close. His silence was telling enough but in the next moment he just shrugged.

“I am not good at this so I am not even going to try, so yeah…he…he’s too kind and lively for someone like me who-”

“Don’t even. Nobody deserves to feel like they don’t deserve love and attention just because of the way they are. I am taking Jinyoung home and I am going to do it without holding myself back. May be Jackson will realize something about you too…”

Mark shuddered at the feelings that surfaced just by the hope of Jackson looking at him more than a friend. He knew Jackson was straight as a stick, laying beautiful girls now and then but past three days the way he had been with Jinyoung, the physical intimacy, the delicate smiles and his urge to comfort and envelop the man in his warmth confused Mark.

“Don’t think so, man. Let’s go.”

Dinner wasn’t what he had expected it to be. They had somehow split into groups. The kids sat on the couch, talking over each other and diving into each other’s plates from time to time, lost in their own world. Jinyoung and Jackson had chosen to sit at the small table in the kitchen which left Mark and Jaebeom on the floor near the couch. It was weird and uncomfortable, the slight discomfort he felt when Jackson wasn’t being himself. It started gnawing at his heart and he immediately tried to find the things that he had done wrong. For starters, he had hardly talked to Jackson in the past two days. They hadn’t even exchanged greetings when they saw each other around. It was like Mark had made himself invisible. Apart from that, he had ignored the man today when he got home, instead tagging along with Jaebeom. Then he had went on to lie to the boy. Wow, Mark had done a lot to feel guilty about in the past two days.

He silently swallowed his food, trying hard not to look at Jackson. Once they were done, Jaebeom suggested they go buy some ice-cream for everyone.

“What flavour do you want, Jackson?” Jaebeom asked as he put on his shoes. Mark had put on his coat and immediately answered vanilla. “That’s his favourite. He fucking loves it.”

“I would rather have strawberry today with Jinyoung. Thanks,” he looked at Jaebeom and Mark frowned.

“You hate strawberry.”

“Not anymore.”

The whole exchange had been full of tension and felt so weird that Mark’s stomach turned rapidly. He walked out without a word and Jaebeom hurried after him.

Jackson sighed as he looked at Jinyoung who looked just as exasperated as him.

“Why are they so chummy suddenly?”

“Didn’t you say they were friends since high school? May be they were actually reminiscing?”

“Please. Mark hardly is the type to hug someone like that or get emotional about stuff. I don’t believe it.” He threaded his fingers through his hair in frustration and rushed to the kids to find comfort and affection. They entertained him by letting him lie on their laps, feet up on the arm rest. 

Jinyoung looked out the window and realized that it was really cold outside. May be ice cream in this weather was a bad idea. Jaebeom’s coat wasn’t thick enough and he was prone to catching a cold. He considered calling him and asking them to come back but then bitterness had set in. Jaebeom had been nothing but a dick to him for weeks now.

His occasional anger bursts were uncalled for, especially when he did not know what he had done wrong. Was it him being out a lot? Him being tired and having no capacity to talk to Jaebeom? Was it him not being as involved in the house as he usually was? He told himself that the kids were growing and no matter how much he cared for them, he couldn’t be there for them all the time and they knew it. Not once had they complained, in fact they had become more responsible.

May be it was more than what he wanted to see…may be Jaebeom actually…

“He likes you. He fucking told me to take extra good care of you while you were here.” Jackson whispered and Jinyoung felt his shoulders sag. His posture softened considerably and a sob rocked his body. Jackson wound his arms around his waist and held him in a back hug.  

“Are you saying it was just...him missing me? That he used anger to show it? Why is he so difficult?” he sniffled.

“Some people don’t talk much, Jinyoung-ah. They like to bottle things up. They explode eventually when it gets too difficult to hold on…Jaebeom is…just like Mark, I guess. To see you with someone else, you not being there for him, not fussing over him and the kids. Eww, you are so domestic already,” he chuckled and a hit landed on his arm.

“I don’t want to think too much into this…he has never said anything to me to suggest that he likes me. I don’t want to have some delusion that could destroy our friendship. It’s really in a delicate balance right now,” he talked softly and heard the door open and shut.

They walked out and saw Mark shivering from head to toe. Jaebeom was wrapped in Mark’s coat and Jackson just lost it.

“Mark! What the hell!” he rushed towards the elder and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Jaebeom…!” he complained as he rubbed at Mark’s palms to warm him up. Youngjae handed him his hoodie and waved to suggest that he put it on. It was already warm and Mark sighed happily.

“He wouldn’t listen! I told him not to be so noble but Mark is such a weirdo!” Jaebeom raised his hands up in surrender. Jackson clicked his tongue in irritation and Mark shot his head up. This was the first time in two days that Jackson was in front of him, fretting over him, giving him attention.

“They were out of strawberry. I bought you vanilla.” He was just out of his mind having Jackson so close and behaving in a way Mark recognized as normal.

“Shut up and sit tight. I am going to make your stupid, noble ass some coffee. You too, Jaebeom. What big babies,” he complained but headed to the kitchen all the same.

“But what about the ice-cream?” Jaebeom asked Jinyoung who frowned at him as if he was being stupid.

“I don’t know, Jaebeom. Just put it in the fridge? The kids will finish it up in no time anyway. Also we are buying you a new coat on the way home.” The kids perked up when they heard that Jinyoung was coming home and hooted. A slight blush creeped on Jaebeom’s pale face, the tip of his nose was already red like a button because of the cold.

Jackson handed them coffee and sat across from them on the table.

“You better stop treating Jinyoung like shit, Jaebeom or I am going to keep him here forever.”

“Sorry Jinyoung. I will try to be a better friend to you. I guess…I was just being stupid. I am sorry.” The apology was unexpected for both Jackson and Jinyoung and they raised their eyebrows in surprise. Jinyoung felt good about Jaebeom realizing that he had behaved out of line. It only proved that the man cared about their friendship.

“About Jonathan…” his on and off boyfriend’s name being uttered had Jinyoung look up straight at Jaebeom.

“What about him?”

“Stop seeing him.”

“Excuse me?”

There was a stiff silence in the apartment as the kids paused their games and stared in the direction of the kitchen.

“Stop seeing him. He does not deserve someone as great as you. He uses you.”

“I never remember talking about my love life with you like this Jaebeom.” Jinyoung shifted uncomfortably in his spot and waited for Jaebeom to explain his behaviour.

Mark patted his shoulder lightly before Jaebeom took a deep breath and looked into Jinyoung’s eyes.

“I like you and I would very much appreciate a chance, Jinyoung-ah. I want to take me out if I am okay with it.”

Another moment of silence passed before Youngjae snorted, followed by giggles from BamBam and Yugyeom. Jaebeom’s blush intensified ten folds and he hid his face behind Mark’s shoulder. Mark was trying really hard to keep a straight face.

“What?”

Jaebeom frowned. “I mean, I want to take you out if you are okay with it.”

Jinyoung looked at Jackson and raised his eyebrows but Jackson wiggled his suggestively.

“Okay. Now, let’s go home? We have that coat to buy. Kids grab your ice cream and let’s get going,” Jinyoung stood up, the screeching sound of his chair making Jaebeom to look in his direction.

“I said okay, you big weirdo. Let’s go. You have to work early tomorrow and I am sure the apartment must be messed up. Let’s go,” he pushed and Jaebeom stood up abruptly. He smiled wide at Jackson and then at Mark before looking at Jinyoung.

“Let’s go home, Jinyoung-ah.” He whispered before taking Jinyoung’s hand in his and proudly walking out without waiting for the kids who voiced their complaints about being left behind by their “parents”.

The house had suddenly become empty and Mark was unsure what to do with himself. He got up and started cleaning after the kids. He just wanted a good distraction because being alone with Jackson had never made him feel so high on nerves.

Jackson didn’t speak to him much but they moved around each other with ease, cleaning the living room and kitchen in less than half an hour.

Hugging Youngjae’s hoodie close because it was too soft and warm and smelled like what sunshine would, Mark walked towards his room.

“Mark…” Jackson called out and he turned around.

“Thanks for helping Jaebeom…I am sure it was hard for him to confess in front of everyone…but I know how much Jinyoung likes big gestures like these,” he smiled and Mark nodded.

Having nothing left to say, they both headed towards their rooms. The moment Mark slammed the door shut, he rested against it. He felt restless and fear gnawed at his heart. What was happening to him? He was not good with emotions, complications, awkward breaks between relationships. He was not good at absolutely anything in that moment. Past two years he had just lived life as it came. He spent his days telling himself that everything was okay, he was not on the roads ready to sell drugs or beg for money, his parents were not helpless enough to take odd jobs to pay off his student loans. He was living decently, not hurting anyone, not being a bother to anyone, just existing normally like an average person. But now, he felt like he was being too absorbed in his emotions, his need for Jackson’s time and attention. It was so uncalled for. He had never sat down and thought about his own love life. He had never had a relationship, not even one night stands. He had spent all of his early adult life giving his all towards getting a job and earning some money for his family.

He had never approached a girl in his life, not that he did not like any. He was just too shy and unsocial to form a full sentence around people he thought were worth his attention and time. With Jaebeom, it had come easy because of how similar they were. With Jackson…well…he couldn’t pinpoint how and why he had opened up to Jackson. It must have had something to do with how comfortable he made people feel around him. His kindness, warmth and his smiles pulled people right in. He was friendly and approachable, caring and sweet. And Mark was whipped. The revelation that his heart felt for someone worth feeling for, however, was comforting. Mark’s heart did not discriminate.

Jackson stood in front of Mark’s door, unsure of how he felt about everything. He knew Mark through and through, he knew that the man was kind, decent, sometimes really forgetful and childish but mostly caring and sweet. His shyness hid him from the world but Jackson loved it so much about him. He gave access to only the people he trusted and he was one of them. He felt privileged to know Mark to that extent.

Mark was like a peacefully deep ocean, inciting calm and serene thoughts in him just by his presence. His smiles were toothy and child-like, showing his innocence and purity. Mark wasn’t ‘bro’ to him anymore. He wasn’t even a friend he cared about because they lived together. He was someone Jackson wanted to keep with him forever. He was someone Jackson wanted to feed breakfast to, someone he wanted to see the moment he woke up. He felt his chest tighten because no, this wasn’t going to work out. Mark was not interested in him like that. They were just a bunch of regular dude friends, living together to save money and habituated to each other due to prolonged social contact. The elder would never appreciate him breaking any of their set boundaries, would he? A sweat broke on his forehead when he thought about how Mark would react if he told him he wanted to date him, just like how Jaebeom had said it to Jinyoung. Mark would definitely freak out. Taking a step back instantaneously, he retired to his room, making as less noise as possible.  

**

When Jackson got up the next morning, he was disappointed to find out that Mark had already left. Was he avoiding him for some reason? Just the thought made him feel restless. He was too used to Mark, his silence, his toothy smiles, his very calming presence and there was no way in hell that he was going to jeopardise it. He didn’t understand what had changed. It was true that in the three days that Jinyoung had been with them, he had hardly paid attention to Mark, letting him fend for himself. May be that was what had irked Mark? But didn’t that mean that he just missed him like Jaebeom had missed Jinyoung? Did it also mean that Mark felt for him what Jaebeom had come to feel for Jinyoung? A blush crept on his face fast and his heart beat picked up. In that moment he suddenly hoped Mark was as daring as Jaebeom if he did feel for him. He wished that the comfort that they had established would come in handy in this situation.

Then suddenly he felt hopeless and numb. Every time he had feelings for someone, it had resulted in a heart break. In the past two years he had had three relationships. He hadn’t even shared the details with Mark fearing it would be too much for him to know. Mark’s silence incited him to only share happy things with him. He only wanted the elder to smile and be happy and Jackson’s love life had been anything but happy. It was jinxed so badly. He couldn’t give himself hope like this. He just couldn’t when he had suddenly realized he was okay with dating guys. It was all too new and messed up.

He needed a distraction and he needed it quickly. It was shame that he had no assignments that week. So he decided to go out and meet a few friends of his. May be being in their company would help him take his mind off things?

**

Mark was restless to say the least. Sensing that he wouldn’t have much to do at work, he decided to take off early. He finished the last of his paperwork at around 4 and drove towards home. He was unsure about resuming his normal behaviour with Jackson because no matter how silent he was, his actions were always telling. If he let his feelings get the better of him, he was definitely going to do something that would drive the younger away. He wasn’t going to risk it. He decided to go shopping at a mall nearby and spend some time alone to contemplate on how he was going to handle things with the boy.

His sudden urge to buy clothes that made him look good was a bit overwhelming. The salesgirls assisting him at the mall were fawning over him when he came out wearing a plaid shirt and a pair of tight jeans. He never paid attention to his appearance because he hardly went out. His work clothes were a collection of greys, blues and beige coloured plain shirts which he usually paired with dress pants. He also had a couple of suits for when he had to go to court but nothing fancy or casual. Otherwise he had a few worn out t-shirts that he wore over lose pants or trousers. So, when he bought three casual shirts and two pairs of jeans, he felt weirdly excited.

He headed home after eating a sandwich at the food court and trying and failing at not thinking about Jackson. As he climbed up the flight of stairs that finally led to their apartment tiredly, he heard some movement before Jackson’s signature giggle resonated through the hallway. Caught between a fight or flight situation and the fear of the unknown, he stopped short. His heart beat had already picked up. Why was Jackson giggling in the hallway? This could mean only one thing! He had brought someone home for the evening! Just the thought had his body thrumming with anger. He clutched at his bags tightly and turned around, too irritated to deal with Jackson being sweet and flirty with some chick.

He rushed back down and got his phone out.

“Jaebeom? I need to go out. Please.” He breathed out and Jaebeom panicked. Mark explained to the best of his ability that he didn’t want to be at home in that moment and luckily Jaebeom caught his drift.

Twenty minutes later, Mark and Jaebeom were sitting the small café that Mark had come to like. Looking at all the shopping bags, Jaebeom raised his eyebrows.

“You went shopping? Since when do you go shopping? I thought your mom still bought your clothes.” The snort that followed the question earned him a hit on his arm and he winced.

“Are you trying to look good for him?”

“Eww, fuck. Don’t even go there.” Mark grimaced but the tip of his ears were red and Jaebeom was deeply satisfied. He knew not to prod Mark about what had actually happened. If he was patient enough, Mark was going to tell him.

Two cups of coffee later, Mark’s shoulders sagged. He thumped his head on the table and sighed.

“Wow, I never thought this could happen to us both…I mean what are the odds of both of us being gay for our friends like this?” Jaebeom scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Mark knew he wasn’t good at comforting people with words but his presence was really positive when someone needed him.

“I don’t know if I am gay…” Mark whispered. “But Jackson…he…well…” he hugged his head with his arms.

“Okay fine…just…tell him. He’s a great guy. I don’t know how I became friends with him. He’s loud and touchy and it was just weird at first but slowly I liked his personality. He’s a great friend, man. I can see why you got attached to him unknowingly. May be you are gay only for him.”

“He was with someone today. I heard him giggle in the hallway. It doesn’t matter how I feel…he would never feel the same way about me…”

There was a stiffening silence after he said it but then Jaebeom was clearing his throat and patting his head softly.

“Was it someone you know?”

Mark shook his head at the question and finally looked up at Jaebeom.

“I didn’t see who it was at all. I wanna forget that I ever felt this way about him, Jaebeom. May be I should move out? I can actually afford a place of my own now. Nothing fancy but a studio apartment would be a good idea.”

“I guess. He will be hurt though. What are you going to say is the reason for moving out?”

Mark thought about Jackson’s puppy eyes and how he always used them on him to get away with any mess that he created at the apartment, every time he forgot to pay bills or when one of his friends touched their XBOX without permission. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“Just that it was time for me to live alone? I don’t think he will be a baby about it. He has grown over the years, Jaebeom. He isn’t that loud kid from two years ago. He’s really considerate and mature now.”

Jaebeom nodded. Just then his phone buzzed and a small smile crept on his face. Mark readied himself for some disgustingly sweet behaviour on Jaebeom’s end.

“Hey. Yeah, I am out with Mark. Will be home soon. Where were you?”

Jaebeom frowned at what seemed like Jinyoung’s response and looked at Mark with big eyes.

“Wait, wait, you are saying you were there all day?” Another pause and Jaebeom was chuckling. Mark looked at him confused. “I will tell you when I get home. Sure thing. I will get something on the way. Bye.” After hanging up the phone, Jaebeom looked at him and shook his head in exasperation.

“You are so stupid, Mark.” He hit the side of his head and Mark winced.

“Hey…what did I do?”

“Jackson was giggling with Jinyoung. He met him just outside the grocery store at noon and they spent the whole day together, you fucker. You just assumed the worst. Just tell the man what he needs to know! Don’t be such a pussy,” he hissed and Mark scowled.

The information that Jackson, in fact, had not been with someone on a date was really uplifting. He moved in his spot uncomfortably until Jaebeom clicked his tongue.

“I will try. If it doesn’t go well, I will just move out. Seems right?”

Jaebeom nodded and they both got up to leave.

Mark’s drive home was full of anxiety. He had never felt this nervous in his life before. This time he climbed the stairs two at a time because he just didn’t want to lose his resolve. When he got inside the house, it was eerily quiet. He heard some movement in the kitchen and felt himself stiffen. He put his bags on the couch and took a few deep breaths. Just then his phone buzzed and at the same moment Jackson walked into the living room. They looked at each other before Mark received the call.

“Yeah. I just got home.” He bit his lip at he stared at Jackson, who was looking anywhere but at him. “Yes…I said yes…can you stop? Why are you like this?” his voice had gone down considerably and Jackson shot his head up. Mark was a blushing, stuttering mess. “Shut it. I said yes. Now can you please hang up…no, you first. Hang up! I will call you tonight…jesus, you are being impossible…stop!” he blushed even further and saw Jackson move in his spot uncomfortably. He hung up the call and cleared his throat.

“Who was that?” Jackson asked immediately, his voice a bit high pitched than usual.

Mark raised his eyebrows in surprise because Jackson never bothered with such things, this was too personal. He never asked such probing questions. Upon Mark’s silence, he took a step ahead and fidgeted.

“Mark, who was it? Are you seeing someone?” he asked, his words coming out a bit too shaky and laced with anger. Mark was never on the phone much when he was around Jackson. It was a bit unnerving to see him talk like that and it was completely driving Jackson crazy to think that he was talking to some girl. Mark was not at all obligated to answer him but his silence was really making him mad.

Mark stared at Jackson’s face which was changing expressions light speed and he felt restless. How was he going to tell Jackson that it was Jaebeom and Jinyoung on the phone, teasing him about the whole thing and giving him tips about how to confess? It was so embarrassing.

“Umm…” Mark still looked around, trying to find an answer but Jackson had already lost it.

“You know what, its okay. I don’t need to know the details of your love life. It’s none of my business. I am sorry that I asked,” he spat and spun around, taking quick steps towards his room. He stopped abruptly and looked back.

“There’s dinner on the table.”

“Wai-” Jackson had already vanished before Mark could stop him. He heard a door being slammed shut and a lock turning and he sat down because his legs gave in. Shit, he was panicking. How was he going to talk to the man if they had so much tension going on? Why were they in such a weird zone? He just didn’t get it. Jaebeom was right, he was being a pussy.

Dejected and thoroughly tired with the onslaught of emotions that he had felt all day, he walked towards his room but not before taking the dinner Jackson had set aside for him. He got an earful from Jaebeom when he told him that he had failed to talk to Jackson. However, he encouraged him to try again in the morning. He had apprehensively said yes to that and hung up, trying really hard to not lose himself in self-pity and fear.

**

Neither Mark nor Jackson had slept much through the night, tossing and turning in frustration and worry. When it was almost seven, Mark had gotten out of bed and decided to get ready for office. He was too scared to check if Jackson was up. He was more scared of being alone in the house so he tried to take baby steps at remaining sane.

He had spent more than thirty minutes under a hot shower. He just couldn’t move himself fast enough because he hadn’t slept well. His eyes stung at the corners and his body felt unenergetic. He walked out with his briefcase and his suit jacket because he had to go to court at noon. He had thrown his tie over his shoulder in a hurry.

Jackson was already in the kitchen and it looked like he had already come back from his run. He looked sweaty but glowed in the sunlight that filtered through the kitchen. Mark felt weak in the knees as he observed Jackson in a tight tank top rather than his usual track suit. His arms looked soft but firm, the hair at his nape were damp due to sweat and it looked like he was panting a bit. The whole visual made Mark feel weird and turned on. Jackson was definitely not his dude, bro friend anymore. The realization again hit him like a train.

Jackson had made himself a protein smoothie and as if on cue at hearing Mark behind him, he fetched a bowl from the cabinet above and started making him breakfast. Mark didn’t dare move towards him but awkwardly sat at the table without saying anything. The bowl of his favourite fruit loops was placed in front of him.

“Thank you,” Mark dared to say, albeit in a soft whisper. Jackson nodded and started gulping down his smoothie. His Adam’s apple bobbed slowly, his collar bone glistened with sweat and his eyes closed. Mark just couldn’t take his eyes off of him, it was impossible. He had never really looked at Jackson like this. Were his eyes betraying him or was it his heart? Of course he had seen Jackson shirtless a million times but he had never really taken notice of his body. He had never ‘looked’ looked at Jackson and now here he was, literally drooling over him drinking a damn smoothie. Fuck, he was so messed up.

“Your fruit loops are soggy,” Jackson whispered and Mark closed his mouth with a snap. Embarrassed at being caught staring, he looked at his bowl and grimaced. He ate without saying anything but in that moment he felt like drowning himself in the bowl.

Once done, he hurriedly got up and put the bowl in the sink and moved to leave. Just when he grabbed his briefcase, Jackson called out to him. He turned around.

“Your tie…” he moved forward and swiftly grabbed the tie resting on his shoulder and wound it around his neck. Mark looked at his face which was scrunched in concentration as he did the knot carefully. Jackson looked up at him noticing his gaze and froze mid-way, still holding onto the knot loosely.

Mark raked his eyes over every inch of Jackson’s face and Jackson observed the movement of his eyes. This kind, beautiful person who had taken care of him, fed him, kept him grounded, given him a safe place, made him a better person…this Jackson was just breath-taking. He was an amazing friend, a great flat-mate, a really good cook, a very systematic person with warm smiles and shining eyes, always ready to help and talk to him, always trying to get him to talk more, giving him the attention he deserved and never complaining about the way he was. Was there anybody else as perfect as him?

“Uhh…” his throat made a noise at the deep yearning he felt for Jackson and he took a step closer without meaning to.

Jackson’s hold on the tie had tightened but he did not move. His eyes just went bigger as he felt Mark move closer.

“I…uhh…” Mark stared into his eyes and blinked his slowly. He gulped and wet his lips before his gaze travelled to Jackson’s lips and quickly back to his eyes. “Umm…I am not seeing anyone. Do you…do you not know me at all?” It was merely a whisper but Jackson caught every word. His shoulders seemed to relax a bit at the information and that gave Mark a little confidence. He gulped again and lightly held Jackson’s shoulders as if he was breakable.

Jackson’s body tingled at the contact because never had Mark touched him like that. Yes, they hugged lightly and Mark patted his back or head gently at times but never did he hold him by his shoulders.

“Jackson…umm…” he fidgeted some more, his grip on his shoulders going a bit tight. Jackson’s took in a sharp breath and stared into his eyes curiously.

“What is it, you fucker?” he whispered and Mark just closed his eyes at hearing Jackson being normal with him again. He snapped his eyes open and took a deep breath.

“I think I can’t think of you in a dude, bro kind of a way anymore, man. I can’t be friends with you like that anymore…” he sighed as he let it out but in the next moment, Jackson had moved away. He saw the corner of his eyes go wet and Mark knew he had messed up big time. Desperate, he moved ahead and grabbed Jackson’s shoulders again.

“No…don’t cry…oh my God. Shit. I am so bad at this. Don’t cry, please,” Mark lightly wiped at his eyes and Jackson bit his lip at how gentle the elder was.

“What I meant to say was…ummm…I…” his palms shakily cupped Jackson’s face and the younger was sure that he would never be able to breathe normally again. Mark’s palms felt sweaty and his long, slender fingers were splayed across his cheeks. His touch was gentle and it just melted Jackson on the inside.

“Spit it out, you are making me so damn nervous. You are acting so unlike yourself.” Jackson held onto his hands just as lightly because he just couldn’t hold himself together.

“Fuck…please don’t hate me. Promise me you won’t hate me and will still be my friend if you don’t like what I say…” Mark frowned and his eyes went a bit moist. Jackson couldn’t handle it anymore.

“If you don’t tell me right now, I am going to cry big fat tears, Mark. I am scared. What is it? Are you moving out? Are you leaving me alone? It’s a big NO from me, Mark. What is it really? Is it about your health? Your family? I am shit scared, what is up with you, God. Use your fucking mouth, dammit,” Jackson gripped his hands tighter out of frustration. His eyes were full of tears and his body was shaking with worry.

“I…I think I will die if you don’t feed me every day…” a single tear-drop escaped Mark’s eye and travelled down his cheek. “I can’t…I just can’t share your attention…I am so weak without you around…I…ummm,” he sniffled, “I need you more than a friend…I was so mad when you…when you were playing with Jinyoung’s hair. How come you never do that to me? How come? How come you let him sleep in your bed, take his pictures on your camera? How come you never take pictures of me? I did not like it…I…” tears were streaming from his eyes and it made Jackson shed his own. “I am sorry, I think I am so gay for you…Jaebeom said it’s just for you and not for other boys…I am scared. Don’t leave me. My chest hurts.” Mark clutched at his shoulders tightly and let out a shaky breath.

Jackson held him by the elbows and coughed. “What the fucking hell…” he muttered before pulling Mark into his arms and wrapping him tightly in a hug. The elder made a noise which was very much between a snicker and a whimper.

“You are so stupid, Mark.”

They remained in the embrace for a while. When they parted, Jackson’s face was red, the tip of his ears too.

“How can I leave your sorry ass when you can’t even fucking wear your tie properly?” he got back to helping Mark with the tie and the elder just let him do as he pleased. “Do you how many pictures I have taken of you when you were lost in your own world, you fucker,” he tightened the knot properly and clicked his tongue. “Is it my fault that you hate physical contact? I would have cuddled you to death with how you look when you come home tired, you stupidly jealous man.”

The butterflies erupting in Mark’s stomach made him smile toothily again. Jackson had missed that smile so much that he too smiled back.

“I never thought you would say you were gay for me. What fucked up way of confessing is that? Shit Mark. You suck at confessing. Yuk!” Jackson snickered as a few stray tears left his eyes.

“Sorry…” Mark muttered as he touched his elbows lightly. “Does that mean you won’t fuck around with-”

Jackson shook his head vehemently. “Not when you confessed to me so cutely. You are so cute, God. Do you even know how cute you are? Jesus. I am going to die of your cuteness.” Jackson brushed his shoulders out of habit.

Mark’s face was sporting a nice, rosy blush and Jackson giggled.

“Why are you so red?”

“I am sorry but you are looking really nice right now, so…” he confessed lamely and it was Jackson’s turn to make a weird noise.

“Eww…I can’t with you talking like this…I am never getting used to this, Mark. Eww,” he pushed him by the shoulder and turned around.

Mark did a little dance, flailing his arms in the air wildly and moving in his spot like an earthworm. He wanted to yell, he wanted to pull his hair out and jump in the air. Looking at Jackson’s back and the red tip of his ears, he felt his stomach explode with excitement. He just couldn’t believe this was happening. Someone liked him in spite of his many inhibitions and hang-ups, his many flaws and weird personality traits and that was someone as amazing as Jackson.

His fingertips tingled funnily because he so badly wanted to touch Jackson. He took a step closer to him and breathed on his shoulder. He could clearly see the hair on his nape stand on end.

“Mark, you-” before he could complete his sentence, he felt a soft peck on his right shoulder. He breathed out in surprise and turned around abruptly which resulted in their foreheads hitting each other. They both grimaced and rubbed at their foreheads.

“Stop being like this…why are you like this?” he whined and Mark just chuckled.

“I am sorry, you just look so good in this tank top. Oh my God, I am not used to this but I just can’t deal with you in this,” Mark pulled him closer by the waist so their noses were touching. “I want to kiss you, please. I really want to kiss you right now. I am not good at it, I guess, but…” he breathed heavily on Jackson’s lips and the younger was holding in a breath, “just deal with it. You are a big boy.”

In the next moment, Mark was cupping his face tightly and planting his lips square on Jackson’s. Jackson squeaked but wound his arms around Mark’s neck and responded immediately. Mark nibbled at his soft lips and kissed him slowly, gently. He tilted his head and continued to savour the touch until his fingers softly threaded through Jackson’s damp locks. Jackson groaned when he felt Mark’s tongue tug at his lips. He opened up and Mark moaned in his mouth as his tongue played with his. Jackson tasted like his chocolate flavoured protein smoothie and Mark loved it.

Mark’s hands gripped his hair tightly and it was Jackson’s turn to moan. With closed eyes, they both were experiencing pure bliss of being with each other in that moment. Their lips were gentle but passionate, their tongues a little too eager to taste each and every bit of each other.

They panted heavily when they separated and Mark felt weak in the knees when he looked at Jackson’s wet lips, slightly swollen and red.

“Oh God, Jackson…” he groaned and pulled the younger closer again but Jackson stopped him, giggling.

“Excuse me, Mister. You have to go to work. If I am not mistaken, you are running late,” he kept Mark at bay with his palms flat on his chest.

“Nooo…I am not going to go,” he whined as he tried to chase Jackson’s lips with his.

“Yes, you are…come on.” He pushed him away but struggled as Mark was pressing at his sides desperately.

“Shit, Mark. I am going to be here when you get back…don’t be stupid. Your briefcase is here, that means, oh God, this guy,” Mark had sneakily pulled him closer and planted a wet smack on Jackson’s cheek. “You have court today, don’t you? Want to get fired?” Mark was busy planting more kisses on his ear, his temple, his head and Jackson just laughed.

“Constantly proving how much of a dry spell you have had, Mister.” He laughed outright and Mark took offense. He aggressively shook off Jackson’s palms from his chest and pushed him against the wall beside the table. He bit at Jackson’s bottom lip and felt the younger quiver.

“I have. But it’s good that you are no stranger to me…” he kissed him again and Jackson responded just as eagerly in spite of all his complaints.

“Okay, now go?”

Mark whined into the crook of his neck and felt the shiver that ran down Jackson’s body.

“But-”

“No buts. You are not getting any free passes from me. You have worked so hard to get where you are today. I don’t want you to mess it all up because of this. I promise, you can kiss me all you want when you get home. Come on, now. Be a good boy and get going,” he pushed Mark by his arms and finally he relented.

“You are so soft.” Mark ran his fingertips over Jackson’s arm and he shivered. “I like you and you better be here when I get home. Yeah?” he whispered and Jackson let out another shallow breath.

Jackson nodded and smiled shyly. “Since when are you like this?”

“You don’t know the half of how I am going to be with you starting today. Be ready to be surprised. Also, I swear to God, if I find the house full of people today evening, I will kick their butts. Do not invite anyone over and even if someone shows, you better kick them out by 6.”

Jackson giggled and hid his face behind his palms.

“Since when do you get shy?” Mark hugged him close and Jackson sighed.

“Since you started fucking talking like this. What the fucking hell, Mark. Who are you and where the hell is the usual, shy, uncomfortable with words Mark?”

Mark’s eyes softened and he nuzzled in the younger’s hair.

“Thank you. Thank you for being such an amazing friend for all these years. You made me a better person without even trying. I want to cherish you so much. You are amazing. I promise to never break your heart. I will give you all I have, Jackson.” He felt the boy wound his arms around his waist and hug him tightly.

“Are we going to be disgustingly sweet from now? I don’t think I can handle it, Mark.” They both snickered at that.

“Me neither. But…I know I won’t be able to hold myself in around you anymore…if I…cross any lines…just-”

“I will kick your ass, dear. Don’t worry. Now can you get going so we can feed our imaginary children? Why should I be the only one working my ass off for them huh?”

Mark laughed loudly at that, the same childish laugh that Jackson absolutely adored. He planted a quick kiss on the elder’s shoulder and pushed him away.

“Go, Mark. Shoo.” He pushed him towards the door, handed him his briefcase and jacket. Mark smiled at him goofily before winking at him.

Jackson blushed for the nth time and just laughed. The happiness he felt couldn’t be contained anymore.

“Stupid Mark.” He blew him a kiss and Mark hit his head with the door because wow, he could get used to this. Jackson clicked his tongue in mock annoyance before helping him dress his hair.

“See you in the evening, Jackson. You better wait for me.”

“I will be counting minutes, dear.”

* * *

  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Did you like it? Leave me some comments. :) <3
> 
> Wasn't Mark just too cute? I am always showing Jackson as the cute one so I thought to reverse it in this one. 
> 
> xoxo


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